Online Dating…The Lowdown



Firstly, I don’t know what I was thinking when I downloaded this particular dating app. I remember the day but I don’t know what possessed me to do such a thing, 3 months on and I’m still asking myself the same question…


       “Was it worth it?”, Well was it? No, it really wasn’t.


I feel like I’ve gone back to being 25 (I’m 34 in case you wondered) and I’ve completely lost my head again. The horror stories my friends have told me about their friends dating experiences should have been enough to put me off, (Yes Hannah, I’m talking about you), but it didn’t. Surely ALL men cant be fuckboys? Well yes actually, they can. So let me tell you more…



Before I go into my stories I’ll give you a bit of my background info. I was in a relationship for 6 years and was also married to said bf. We split up two years ago and I’ve not dipped my toe into the dating pool until recently. I was ‘finding’ myself. Yep, two whole years of celibacy… are you proud? Well, I am.


So let’s get into it.


Guy number one. We’ll call him Dan. The first date, it was ok, he was nice, same age, good job, normal-ish, albeit a little forward and boring. There was no firework moment and he didn’t really make laugh that much and he was a little serious. However, we went on date two…and three. After date 3 I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to go anywhere, he lived a distance away and I just wasn’t that into him to continue, It became hard work and I’d stopped getting excited to see his name pop up on my phone and it became more of a chore to reply. He’d call and I’d purposely not answer which I know was mean, but he had nothing interesting to say and would just moan about his day at work. Anyway, we’d arranged date 4 but he flaked and said he forgot, I was pretty sure that was his way of saying he wasn’t interested. I was ok with that.


I didn’t ghost him at first, much to the disappointment of my friends, “delete and block” was their exact words. This is what guys do and it really pisses me off so no, I wasn’t going to be that girl who does it too. So I sent a kindly worded message and left it at that. Did he reply? He did. He said he was gutted and thought we had a connection… blaady blaady blah! But mate, you flaked on our date and couldn’t make time for me on your week off? To me that says,

‘You’re not that important’.


I didn’t reply and got on with my life. Fast forward a week and an unknown number pops up on my Whatsapp, it’s him, apparently heartbroken. Okay, was he for real? we’d spoke for 6 weeks and the conversation was very brief. Unlike guy no.2, oh hell, number 2 was a whole other breed.


This guy, He was a few years older than me (7 to be exact) tall, dark and all the rest, had grown up kids, his own business. Too good to be true you say? Well, of course he was, why the hell would such a catch be on a dating app? Sorry, I meant multiple dating apps. We’ll call this one Matt.


So after a week of talking with Matt, I mean intense talking; day and until the early hours of the morning no sleep chat, we went on our first date. It was all going so well. Now I’ll give him this, it WAS one of the most fun dates I’ve been on, I think my jaw ached from smiling. He was definitely hotter than his photos and we laughed A LOT. Did I mention he was hot (dicksand hot) BUT, this guy had too many red flags. Firstly he had some personal issues which immediately sounded alarms (I didn’t want to be his saviour) His online presence was a little too much and somewhat creepy. He mentioned his ex’s several times for ‘cheating’ on him and he’d planned too far into ‘our’ future; whoa, let’s slow down a bit! Everyone loves a fantasy but let’s not turn it into a fairytale, we’ve not even been on date two yet. But obviously, guys do this so girls think they here to stay, he’s not. He wasn’t.


Speaking of date 2. This is where it all changed. He cancelled, his workload was ‘too busy’. Fair enough, it seemed a legitimate excuse. We rearrange for the following week and he was going to ‘let me know’ if he could make it. Was he serious? Let me check my diary and see if I can fit YOU in Matt. I didn’t even bother getting ready for this date because I had a feeling he’d flake. I’d hardly heard from him all day and his messages were brief, so I left it at that.


Later that evening I had a knock at my door… It was him. Yeh, I was shocked too. Matt was stood there in his hi-viz jacket (came straight from work) zero effort made, ok you’ve had a busy day, I’ll let you off. After all, he did bring a bottle of prosecco. The whole date was awkward, maybe not for him but I was somewhere else, I’d already decided I was done with his shoddy behaviour. But it got even worse when he selected the most boring film in the world to watch. Oh.My.Gosh. On the plus side, he left his Netflix account logged on so I’ve made the most of the free films in the meantime.


As you guessed, there wasn’t a third date. We just sort of, stopped messaging. I don’t think I’ll be seeing Matt again. Looking back, he was a disaster from the start. I just drowned his dicksand.


And finally, guy 3, Josh aka The fuckboy. So I’d dated a guy my age, a guy older so it was only fair to date a younger guy too, well, I didn’t actually get a date with this one, but he’s ended up in the story for a whole other reason. He made me feel old and he was only interested in sending me Snapchat after Snapchat of his almost naked body. I mean seriously, he was 29. I could understand if he was 19, but really? Is this what it’s like?! He had zero chat and had nothing to say for himself. Just a dog on heat. He’d been single for a while and yes Josh, it showed.

Eventually, I had to block him on Snapchat, I thought we could try having an adult conversation on Whatsapp, Who was I kidding? Had I officially had my first ghosting…? I think so. Oh well, bye bye Josh.


I think the older you get, the quicker you suss men out and see their motives. I also think there is something to be said for online dating. It’s like if you met a guy IRL he’s going to chat with you and say something exclusive, whereas online you don’t know how many other girls he’s used that exact line on. I think it’s so easy to be sneaky online and who’s to say that they aren’t still on these apps once you’re in some sort of relationship. All men say they aren’t talking to anyone else but you, come on, how silly do you think us girls are?! Just be honest guys.


Will I continue with online dating? Probably, but I think as long as you know what you’re getting yourself into then its fine. No broken hearts here.



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